.Life Will Be The Death Of Me.

all-shookdown:

Hi lovebirds!
I know Valentine’s day can be very stressful. Not just for the single people (who no one loves and maybe never will???) but for everyone, particularly the boys. So I wanted to help take some of the work out of your big day and let you guys in on a cool tip that will inevitablity secure eternal love and maybe even a little sex from your significant other. You are hours away from dinner and still can’t think of what to get your lady? Look no further, I took a trip to the mall last night and stumbled across some top notch tokens of appreciation.

Aldo is selling fruit necklaces! I know, I know, “Katie, what about diamonds & pearls?”. Well diamonds & pearls are for cheating athlete’s wives. Trust me on this one, I AM A GIRL! You don’t want to get her the same Kay Jewelers pink heart eternity blah blah necklace that her dad gets her mom. Yuck. Thats no way to go about getting your PEN15 touched. . Think about it. A heart says I love you, but a plethora of plastic fruit says I want to ensure proper health & nourish you because I love you. Don’t be a dingus. Get the necklace. Nibble little plastic kiwis of her neck. Thank me later.

Next up we have a topical design that comes fresh from New York Fashion Week. It’s 2012, so if you are not married by now, you have probably succombed to online dating. It’s your only hope. This shirt takes the shame out of the game. It says; “Hell yeah we met on an X-files fanfiction message board, SAY SOMETHING. Guess what else? I fucks with Spiderman! Because if you couldn’t tell from the previous statement, I’m a mondo nerd!” Love it. Head over to Forever 21, buy your e-babygurl this excellent icebreaker shirt, and then spit in that pesky “sooo, how’d you guys meet??” question’s face! Imagine all the necking and heavy petting you are going to get done all the time you will save not making up a story about a wacky “blind date” set up by a pushy “mutal friend” (the internet).

So there you have it. Good luck out there today guys! I know you are going to do great. And remember; Girls become lovers who turn into mothers. So mothers, be good to your daughters too.

You remain one of my favorite people.